@Jason: That intense, bitter energy is your teacher. So, what is the lesson?
Whenever we resist, we set up a wall against which another, stronger force may push. The more we resist, the stronger becomes the opponent. Resistance leads to pain. Resistance is not futile, as it provides us an experience from which we may learn. But, ultimately, resistance is futile. Resist anyway, that one may learn. Once having learned, there is no more need to resist.
You wisely seek a better flow. Think of life as a vast, powerful river; one so broad that you cannot see either bank . . . and you are in the middle of it. What to do? If one struggles against the powerful current, you will quickly tire, and will surely drown. But, if you were to roll on your back, pointing the feet down the river, and gently use the hands and feet as rudders, you would find that the journey was much easier, and that the current will carry you to the river's edge, and perceived safety. But, weren't you safe all along?