I Am Scared, Too (A Personal Manifesto)

• Posted by Timothy Brainard February 15 - Filed in Inspirational - 105 views

  It’s tough to be completely oneself around others. There is a certain and distinct vulnerability there - intimidating enough to scare the daylights out of most people.

   

  Don’t get me wrong - I’m scared, too. I carry my own hefty bag of insecurities. I know the heartache of imprisonment to petty fears.

  But I am not resigned to any fate. I will not allow the quality of this experience to be dictated by my fears of it. I wish not to darken another moment with the shadow of my insecurities. I am determined to become free of these burdens.

   

  Yes, I am scared, too.

  I’m scared that who I am may not be enough.

  I am scared that who I am might be too much.

  I’m afraid that I may not be accepted for who I am - so helplessly paralyzed by fear of rejection.

  I am afraid that I might not be appreciated; or even noticed, for that matter.

   

  Yes, I am afraid to be me. It seems so risky!

  But if not myself, then who?

   

  I can no longer content myself with religious dedication to pretended personalities. In fact, I am fed up with it - sick with filling roles; tired of playing pretend.

  I must be myself if it is the last thing that I do!

   

  Let anxiety tear me limb from limb;

  let the phantoms of imaginary fears cling to my tortured mind like leeches;

  let the Process of Becoming expose me for a freak, a failure, a fool;

  let all of creation laugh or cry or shrug with indifference at the end result -

  none of this is my concern.

   

  I can only surrender, and fall - naked and without apology - into the virgin state of honest self-expression.

  I can only be me.